Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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