I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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