yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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