Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
