He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize