Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
