Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
