I wish I could teleport
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
