you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
