life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it's like heaven, but drunker
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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