how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
