you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Farmville is her only friend.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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