I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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