PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
