What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
