i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize