Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
