I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
