How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
