i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
