hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
