well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
being pregnant is like rehab
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
