once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
