I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
