dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
