Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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