I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
