i may or may not be watching the land before time
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize