i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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