I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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