You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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