In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
