My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize