i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
