Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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