he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
