After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
