so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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