Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
