his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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