i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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