so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
