do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think my fart just growled at me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
