I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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