in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
