Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
