if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize