would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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