Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
