found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
