P.S. I can't hear my feet
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
