I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
