Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
