woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
