I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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