watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
