What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
