I hate your face
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
