we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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