I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize