i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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