hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
