Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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