and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
