I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
