I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
