would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
