you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
