You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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