Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My balls are so social today.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
