im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Terrible idea I love it
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
