Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Your cock deserves a montage
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
