God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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