I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
