god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
please come you make the beer taste better
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
