You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
