I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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