Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
