My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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