Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
