It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
