Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
