Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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