The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
