even my farts smell like vagina
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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