Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
