areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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