Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
