There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
