your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I want to have your abortion
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize