Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
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