She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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