i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
