im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
