dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
