we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
