The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
