Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
