broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
