i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
