I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
