Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I faked an abortion last night.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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