I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
